How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
