but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
