you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
