lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
