could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
