Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
