Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
