I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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