I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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