I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
