areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
