wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
