as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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