Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
