he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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