She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
