The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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