Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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