I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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