So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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