Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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