we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
