Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
