Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
