ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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