Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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