Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
