in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
