fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
