I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
