When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So many bounce houses so little time
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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