so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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