Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
