It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
