I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
