They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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