your thong is hanging out like whoa
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
