Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
