She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
