pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
