So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
