One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
