I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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