Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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