Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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