I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
