Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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