Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
