Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
