My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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